One Year Ago Today

My Precious Katelyn-

On this day one year ago I lay still, on a hospital bed in the operating room.  You were just taken from my womb, the sound of your first cry was precious...and God was there.  They laid you on my chest, I saw your sweet face, I’d waited for you, the whole family had waited for you, and you were finally here.  The nurse showed me your foot, your special little leg, I wasn't concerned, you were perfect, you are perfect and wonderfully made...and God was there. I only got to be with you for what seemed like a few moments until you needed to leave.  You were struggling for air.  It was hard but I knew, Dad knew, you needed to go to a better hospital.  Watching, listening, seeing flight crew in flight suits as they strapped you into that helicopter incubator, saying goodbye. Tears were streaming.  Dad leaving me to go be by your side. But God was still there.  Being alone on the maternity floor.  Listening to all the babies come out of the nursery at night being delivered to their moms. Pumping milk for a baby who wasn’t with me.  It’s only just now that I can see God wasn’t only with me in those moments, he was carrying me.  God was with you in your hospital room too.  Urgent flights for family arriving overnight to take care of your siblings. Being reunited in the NICU of a Children’s Hospital, sobbing, lots of tubes.  Explaining the situation to your brother and sisters, Kelsey needed extra time to process; it just wasn’t how we had planned.  God had a plan all along though.  He always does.  Always.  Your siblings jumped at the chance to travel and see you, they love you so.  Spending hours by your hospital bassinet. Praying. Hope slowly emerging with every breath that was beginning to slow down to normal rates.  You began to nurse, finally.  Going home.  It felt so good.  1 day had turned into 5 days and it seemed like an eternity in the hospital.  Finally a moment to celebrate, you were home, with us, a promise of health was all that mattered. We were elated...and God was there.

To the world you are only one person, but to one person, you are the world.

The days to come would be challenging for us as parents as we learned we were faced with a really big decision for you.  But I guess parenting always comes with big decisions.  God doesn’t promise us an easy life, but he does promise hope and comfort and a peace from knowing that his master plan is at work and we get to be a part of that plan.  You Katelyn, are a part of his plan.  We spent time researching, talking, praying, speaking with doctors and trying to process the path before us.  Either road would be tough for the whole family but we knew God would be there. 

 

I have commanded you to be strong and brave.  Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged! I am the Lord your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9

During this first year we watched you grow, you are a mama's girl now but apart from me you are also in love with your Daddy and siblings.  Your love for them shows so much when you yell out to get their attention as they pass by.  With Brayden you love to play with him in your own little "rough house" kind of way.  He lets you pull his hair and smack him and you squeal with joy as he yelps in pain.  You both love it actually.  With Kelsey, you love her attention.  You enjoy playing beside her if she'll let you get close enough to her horses.  With Allyson the bond that you both have is something special.  She has loved you since before you were born and takes care of you just as I would.  She carries you around the house and loves to play with you every day.  Out of all of the kids she held you the most those long days in the hospital.  She would have been right by your side all night if she could.  You don't know it yet but she's soon to be your best friend and sister all in one. With your Dad you have a special bond as well.  I love the way when he holds you, you always reach up to feel his rough scratchy face.  Dads are something else with their little girls and let me tell you he loves you like crazy too. 

This year has brought us so many joys.  From you learning to smile, clap, and say Da-da, your cute little belly laughs, to army crawling and even pulling up using just one leg to balance yourself.  You’ve grown so much.  And now that your first surgery is over we are beginning to see you bear weight on your newly angled foot and leg.  We are very proud of you for all that you’ve been through this first year.   Being chosen as your mom has been the greatest blessing and honor that God could have given to me.  You see God made you perfectly for our family and he designed us to be the perfect family for you.  It has always been a part of his plan.  I love you my little one and celebrate you today.